Do-Able vs. Date-Able, What Do Women Want?
For me it’s dark, vibey hair. That’s the first thing that catches my twinkling, single eyes when I walk into a bar, film event, concert, whatever. Maybe it was working in the music industry or spending a lot of time in granola Santa Cruz, but guys with shaggy-ish hair you can run your fingers through, like Adrian Grenier or Brandon Boyd, make my heart p-p-pump in a, “How YOU doin’?” kind of way. I can’t help it, that’s just my type…or what I’m INITIALLY attracted to at first glance.
But does this mean my future husband has to rock the “I don’t have to shower or cut my shag-alicious hair because I’m a rock star” look? Absolutely not…no matter how fabulous my dreams of shocking the pressed pants off my more buttoned-up, east coast relatives are.
You see just because the dark, brooding artsy types top my “Do-able” list doesn’t mean I want to have three hour “hipster” conversations or vibey babies with them. In fact, I have tried to date some, and in reality a lot of these guys are notorious commitment-phobic players. I have found that a lot of these guys don’t conform to society’s standards—of grooming, career, etc.—for a reason. In other words, these guys are totally “Do-able,” but not totally “Date-able.” Go ahead and kiss…YUM…then run-walk away…
So who is this “Date-able” guy?
To be “Date-able” there has to be some kind of physical pull, but there also must be something more to keep one interested—whether it’s a killer sense of humor, a shared passion for the high art of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, or simply the promise of not being a douche. It means you actually want to spend DAY time with the person, not just make-out time. It means you look forward to introducing the person to your friends without fear that said friends will suddenly “forget” to invite you lovebirds to every social function. It’s simple, really. The same things that make guys want to get to know a girl POST-beer goggles make us want to get to know you post-Pinot Grigio-goggles.
Think about it…
Most every hetero male has at one time been mesmerized by the stunning Heidi Klum look-a-like with a 2.0 GPA shaking her micro mini on the bar…but that doesn’t mean they all want to take her home to mom or even pay for a first-date dinner at Koi. I mean, does she even eat? Can you talk to her about your embarrassing passion for John Grisham novels? Would she ever dare wear snow pants—the kind you can actually stay out in -15 degree weather for hours on cross-country skis?
Of course that doesn’t mean you and Heidi can’t have a noteworthy night (or ten!) in the sack (no judgments here, my friends) and part ways before the morning hours where no doubt she eats Camel Lights for breakfast. Just don’t kid yourself if you try to date Heidi and are suddenly inspired to stab yourself with the salad fork every time she responds to a question with, “Huh?”
That’s the Holy Grail of “Date-able.” It rarely comes around more than a handful of times in your life. In order to reach a “Groom-able” status, a girl not only has to love spending day and night time with you…she has to want to live with you. Forever. Till smelly gym shirts do us part. She has to trust you. And not be grossed out by the idea of procreating with you (or not…kids aren’t for everyone…again, no judgments!) She has to introduce you to her family and hope you don’t turn them into Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” in the process (no matter how fun that might be).
So next time you meet a girl you actually want to date, remember…there has to be something more than a cute face or witty opener to keep her interested. The same standards you look for in a “Date-able” girl are pointed right back at you. So just be yourself. If you guys actually date she’ll get to know the real you, anyway, so why not figure out if this is worth pursuing right away?
And please guys, start conversations, not lines. Or save those for the Heidi’s…they’re probably too dense to realize how lame you sound or at least you won’t be around the next day when they finally figure it out.
By Wing Girl Tricia
This blog post was re-posted with permission from Marni Kinrys.
Marni Kinrys is a female dating coach for men that has spent the last decade helping tens of thousands of men stop being Mr. Nice Guy and become Mr. Holy S&*T, I Want Him!!!
With only one simple mission. . . . to give the good guy the edge. You are about to learn everything you need to know about women. As founder of The Wing Girl Method, Marni gives you access to the 5% of knowledge on attracting women that no man can ever teach you.
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